THE GIRL - CHILD AND THE SOCIETY

 THE GIRL - CHILD AND THE SOCIETY

Over the weekend, I had read RMD, the popular Nigerian actor's on views on having a girl child. He categorically stated that his sisters and not brothers took care of their parents in old age. He encouraged people to celebrate their female daughters.  The women applauded but they failed to see that his only reason for celebrating the female child is simply servitude. 

I woke this morning to a lady who had said she didn't want to outshine her husband and hence sought his permission to live out her potentials. I cringed. We all came with talents to better our world and it may be ridiculous seeking permission from another before using those gifts. What if the man's best is the lady's worst? What if he is a man scared of a woman’s growth? I know some may argue that she knows her husband but Warri will say "dem no dey know finish". Many women have made mistakes while seeking validation. 

 I cringe when I read things like, "my siblings are willing to sponsor my study abroad but my husband refuses.  What do I do?" I've never seen a man write such.  The men, from tender ages, already know how to assert their positions.  They definitely know what they want from life.  On the other hand, the woman is always needing approval to live. The other day, while admonishing my Year 12 literature students,  a boy in the class demanded I speak to him like a man. At that point, I lost it and spoke harshly to him. Retrospectively,  I still find that not only annoying but a bit funny. It is societal conditioning.  He's been taught he is a man and every woman around him a lesser being. Some Nigerian men, are like that- just a man. Nothing to add to it.

It's the same social conditioning that keeps the shine of the women hidden away from the world. Around July, someone wrote how he had attended about 3 graduation/send forth events and in each of them, the girls were receiving almost all awards available. Same observation in my school and many other schools. During our Speech and Prize Giving,  if there are 10 recipients from each year group, be rest assured that at least 7 are girls. And after winning academically,  they go on to win in sports, competitions, and all other extracurricular activities.  And when all these have been won, they go on to seek the permission of a person whose only winning in life may be the social construct- male gender. It's an abuse of fundamental human and 'living' rights.

Dear parents and teachers,  the balance we seek in our world starts with our willingness to create a balanced perception of the child. Dear parents, why do your boys do nothing all through the holiday? Why is it that the only correction you have for your daughter is is that how you will do in your husband's house? Have you ever told your daughters of great women who have achieved great heights? Dear teacher,  what makes you believe only the boy can be a class prefect and the girl an assistant? The list is endless.

Our world's rapid development has left Nigeria many decades behind and to correct that anomaly in the future,  we must start creating a gender balanced perspective.  The hide-my-id stories that appear here every other Eke market day can be avoided if parents and teachers play their roles in raising wholesome humans. While other societies are talking of robots and AI, we see terrible debates like between my wife and my mother-in-law who should occupy the front sit or how many eggs should I cook in my boyfriend's house? Debates that do not add to the nation's growth.

Dear parents and teachers,  you've been called to raise better humans. Do your bit and do it well.  In few years, we may regret the social conditioning that exists now to serve patriarchy.  The new world calls for a new way of training the girl and boy child.

Excel this week. And do what you've been called to do.

Vivian.